Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
