Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
