Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
