can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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