my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Randomize
