I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's always time for handjobs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
