Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
