I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
