Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had to cum in my sink.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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