I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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