chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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