oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
