Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
