i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
