lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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