I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Rumble strips road head = magical
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
