K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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