My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
