I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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