We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
