2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
