and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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