Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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