True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
