Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
