opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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