Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
