I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
