Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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