Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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