apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
