You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
