it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
