I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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