I wish i was in the wii world.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
