Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
