I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
