btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
