apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
