i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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