the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
