I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
