How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
