Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
