I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
