3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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