I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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