Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
