I bet he comes in French.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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