Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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