I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
