Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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