Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
